Warning: Not for the faint of heart. Birthing stories ahead. 

Revision: I went back and decided this entry was way too long, as would be the comments. SO I'm sticking to the questions portion...you'll see what I mean if you haven't been here yet...

What is it about women and their grand process of trading birthing stories? Like kindergartners from the 80’s passing out Garbage Pail Kid cards, a group of women in the room triggered by the presence of one prego always leads to something within that spectrum. And we all love it. Even if it IS way TMI. War veterans with field stories. We might as well break out the measurements for the tear / episiotomy / c-section factor. Bigger scar =better the victim. Because let’s face it. Once you’ve birthed a human from your actual body, it really feels like you can do anything.

I’ve officially begun the pregnancy ritual I execute every time before the big B-day. I’ve started watching TLC . My lineup: A Baby Story. Mental. Preparation. {While I was at it, I threw in “I didn’t know I was pregnant” on the DVR just for kicks. Hilarious.}

I won’t lie. Even though I’ve already done this thing twice, it’s the daunting possibilities of the unknown that get me. Every. Single. Time. So into the world of real live births, I have been sucked. Some of these episodes are a real snooze fest. I think ABS really needs to broaden their horizons for some true baby mama drama down south. (did you know they only film in the NY/NJ area?) Hot water and biting on sticks…while someone runs around in the background screaming she knows nothin’ bout birthin babies…that’s how we roll down here. Ratings, people. Ratings.

 My current faves a-la awkward  world:

The Idealist:

Expecting her first child, she managed to work out every single day. She bragged…as did her husband. He said he was glad she hadn’t gained much weight. I mean really? “And it did nothing for you,” I spoke a bit too excitedly as I caught a shot of her flopping butt in hot pants. Mrs. I-have-it-all-figured-out planned to give birth at home in her bathtub (bwaaaaa) and ended up freaking out and driving to the hospital. She started begging for an epidural at 2 cm. “Uh, you have eight to go sweetie…” I guffawed through my mouthful of double stuffs on the couch.  It’s fine to want the epidural, but try to hold off on the ridiculous writhing and screaming when I’m watching you on the teli. Downing my glass of milk to wash down the double stuffs I opted to eat. RATHER than working out. Sitting pretty at 2. Someone shove a tranquilizer and a reality check down the chick’s throat, already.

The Traumatizers:

Coming in at a close second. This blended family basically brought in all four children in to watch the birthing process. The oldest was nine, the youngest 18 months. Seriously? Scar your children for life much? The best part is, Mommy dearest freaked out WITH her epidural in the end.  And midwife Janice went all psycho militant on the kids, telling them to shut it since mommy was having a baby. Uhhh, your children are WATCHING, because you thought a staged birth would be a swell idea/learning experience. Let’s add screaming to the mix of bloody hoo-has and massive needle action. Props to you, mother of the year. That’s just terrifying…I don’t care how old you are. Note: The kids ran out of the room.

So here we go. I want to hear your birth day stories.

{I do have one request…please use your best judgement and leave out any truly near death experiences. I have a strong stomach, but those encounters are best left unsaid right now, since I’m getting ready to do this again.} I’ll try to keep mine short and sweet though as we all know, no words can really do the experience justice…cut and paste my questions with your own answers they're in the comments section... Add anything you like. {Humor me.} It's war story time.

If you don’t have birthing stories of your own, feel free to share your thoughts on the process. I want to hear! Let the discussions begin!

 {I still hate you, Eve. } Now it’s your turn. GO.

More posts here: 

fun {etsy lust} finds

finito

where she stops...

p.s. the days are dwindling to enter your guess. Click the link to the left to play the baby game! I'll be closing down in just a few days...