how are you doing?
THE question I think all pregnant women thoroughly dread from the casual passerby. I will, if I must, preface this brutally honest entry with the factoid that I do not always despise the “how are you doing” question. It can be really sweet of people to ask. But it can have different connotations depending on from where said question actually originates.
If it comes from my mom, or my doctor, it’s different from say, the random person I know has issues with being what most of us would refer to as “normal” in public.
The encounter usually goes a little something like this:
Oh look! She has a gigantic bowling ball protruding from her belly. And she looks like an evolving gorilla. The passerby doesn’t specifically say such things…but their eyes do, as they glance down at my bludgeoning top heavy body until they realize I’m looking right back at them and they now must cover with a question…Their eyes then make the socially appropriate jump back to mine. They then decide to top it all off with a classic: “how are you doing?” {Because this makes the obvious judgment behind their smug visage all okay…}
“Fine,” or “I’m here” I respond, with a half-spirited smile, hoping to end the conversation there. Short and sweet. I’m not a COMPLETE whiney butt. It’s when they press further with the conversation, that I begin to feel my first twinge of annoyance. It usually goes with, “well my wife got really large like you” or “I can’t believe you’re still here” or “your face looks ready” Or some other completely not okay and socially challenged statement at which point I really exhibit my stellar example of self control. Any halfwit would realize these are the unfair statements with total lack of a verbal filter. And I’m supposed to play the role of a traditional southern gal and smile ever so politely… when they just so happen to get me all kinds of riled up.
I have to continually comfort myself with the superficial acknowledgement that these people mean well. I know that. But let’s just face the facts. Sometimes, their true intentions are pretty obvious. Heaven forbid I over share. I think the only reason they ask me, is so THEY can.
Let’s have a replay, shall we? Of how the encounter WOULD go if I were in charge of the world and all things conversationally awkward.
SRRPB: (socially retarded random passerby-I can successfully make this judgement based on previous encounters and obvious cues) How are you?
Me: {cutting them off at the pass} Well, Jamin is out of town, so I’ve been chasing these two little nightmares around for about five days now-Aiden-STOP stabbing Emerson with that fork!-I have severe anemia, so I’m exhausted all the time. I have problems walking across a room without having to stop and pant heavily. This is merely complicated by a sinus infection, bronchitis, a really bad sunburn a few days back since I was busy taking care of these two at the pool. Yeah…little blisters EVERYWHERE. Speaking of my back, it seriously aches, and I have severe round ligament pain since I never finished breastfeeding Emerson before I was pregnant again.
Oh, you don’t know what this is? Sometimes I have problems walking and I think that I may need a wheelchair because it hurts so badly to take a step. Think knives in the groin. Stabbing. It brings tears to my eyes. The other morning I had to sit on a heating pad for TWO HOURS. The contractions have let up a bit, but if I’m really lucky, whenever I’m standing up, I may be thrown to my knees asking God for sheer mercy if this baby doesn’t decide to stick its foot through my hoo-ha while I’m shopping for apple juice at Walmart.
You think I look tired? Well, Emerson screamed for an hour and a half in the middle of the night and Aiden woke at 6. And I’m supposed to feel like a bad mother for throwing a pop tart on the floor and letting them watch Madagascar three times in a row so I can survive the day by stealing an extra ten minutes of blissful sleep. Which won’t ever happen because Aiden isn’t POTTY TRAINED, and still poops his pants at the magic hour of FIVE in the AM. No I don’t care to hear about your sister in law’s pregnancy experience, your own horrible birthing process, or your moms sister’s anemic friend who also has Chiari.
But I’m good. Great. STELLAR.
This too shall pass. All is fair in love and pregnancy…and I DO know it could always get worse. Just do me a huge favor and spare me these last few weeks in the special category of the perpetually socially challenged.
Thank you.
{I know you have all had your own experiences. Share away…}
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Supa Blogga Supreme Mama
in family, interesting encounters, sucking at life
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Reader Comments (19)
Bless you!
While preggo with Ty I outgrew my maternity clothes the last month of pregnancy. Of course I refused to go buy anymore since I was already 3 cm dilated and my Doc told me I would probably go before my due date (I didn't). I'm trying to get all my shopping done before the joyous day. In the parking lot of Target up drives a police car and slows down. I soon recognize the officer inside as someone Andrew's parents go to church with. He ask the "how are you doing?" and makes small talk. Before leaving he then makes a comment about how I'm growing OUT of my clothes. Yes, my shirt had ridden up and I was displaying about 3 inches of lovely stretch-marked pregnancy belly. But, Seriously! Your wife had three kids within 3 years you of ALL men should be a little sympathetic! Plus, I finally have cooled off maybe I'll walk around ALL day with my shirt pulled over my belly, then I would at least be able to stop sweating in December!
I have to be honest here, I hate people right now. Mainly because my MIL is being a cruel person, so everyone gets to feel my wrath.
Ashley, I really wish that you would actually launch into this the next time someone asks. I hope, hope, hope for your sake that my guess for delivery is the right one (I believe it is the earliest--July 5th, I think.)
I will pray for you.
One of the blogs I subscribe to featured some of your artwork from Pingg. I thought I'd pass it on: http://howaboutorange.blogspot.com/2009/06/online-invitation-services.html
You may have already seen it, but I know I would have wanted someone to pass it on to me. :-)
Are they touching you too?? I HATE when people, other than my HUSBAND, reach out and touch my belly. Gross. Total strangers have done that to me more times than I can count. There was also the time in Target I was looking for pacies before I had Lucy and this girl goes, "Are you planning to breast feed?" I stammered "yes" and she goes, "You've GOT to get this nipple cream. It will keep 'em from crackin' and make your life so much easier." True story. Fun times.
HAHAHA guys-glad I am not the only one! ;) I didn't want this blog to come across as whiney-just a comical take on how aggravated I get with people. Glad I am NOT ALONE. {KATE-amen.}
Ashley-Thank so much for letting me know! I LOVE how about Orange, and I'm just totally behind on my blog reading. That's such a lovely surprise. It was really nice of you to tell me! A nice little surprise to start my day on! ;)
Sorry you're frustrated, but it makes for a good story for us to laugh at! Thanks for always entertaining!
Could not have said it better myself =! Just yesterday, I was in a meeting (with these idiots that I work with that are totally annoyed that I am pregnant) and my boss asks "How are you doing?" Me - miserable that I am even in attendence, says "As good as it gets". He says "Well, I would say I feel for you, but you did this to yourself.". I was ready to pounce on him with all this wonderful extra pregnancy weight =).
I'm learning the beauty of the silent response--accompanied by the "are you serious?" stare. Not traditionally polite, but it usually makes me feel better. :)
Oh, I'm sorry, sweet girl. You are doing so great with a harder pregnancy, two little ones and a youth minister husband in the summer....which all together makes for a not-so-fun time.
By the way, I take medicine for the SRRPBs in my life. :)
I love reading your blog, because it is so honest and true. I just delivered my third baby,and I felt so miserable towards the end. People in general just made me angry. I would go shopping and I felt like the world was staring at my belly and truthfully I didn't gain that much weight. I just wanted to go off but I kept my mouth shut. Thankfully my little one arrived a few weeks early. And hopefully God doesn't have anymore little ones in store for me because with three little ones my hands are full.
Always comical!!! Wouldn't it be great if we could all really say what we felt. I will never forget walking in the mall, while pregnant with Jackson, pushing my double stroller and the sheer look of terror on the two old gray heads as I passed by and they saw my belly. :)
The best comment I've heard was directed to my sister when she as about 8 months along. A nice (but somewhat socially awkward) lady from church made the comment, "I don't think I waddled THAT much!". Oh, it was awful. But…she meant well. At least I think she did. What could be meant well about that? I'd like to know. :)
so...how are you doing? :)
I think I've already shared mine except I DID say what I was thinking. I just figured if they did, I might as well too. At least I had the excuse of being hormonal...
while laughing at your post, I realize there is truth behind it. I felt exhausted reading it...and I understand, minus a new pregnancy, of course:) This past year has been a plethora of change...good, but hard! I will bump up my prayers for you Ashley, especially during these last few weeks...may He give you extra rest and some time to yourself! I can't wait to see new baby's sweet face!:):)
and one more thing...I just read some of the other comments and it got me thinking...
we are in Carmel, CA right now and there are like ZERO children to speak of anywhere. I have been wondering all week why this city even needs a high school or elementary school...WHERE ARE THE OFFSPRING? ISN'T ANYONE GETTING IT ON AROUND HERE????
Seriously, I feel like I am carrying around 2 little plagues while here...it is so strange. No one smiles at my super cute kiddos, don't even think they would offer to hold a door while we are barrelling through. Last night, we wanted to eat at one of the cozy little Carmel rest. with the outdoor fireplaces (cold here) and when we drove by the one we had been to in the past, we looked at each other and said "ummmm, maybe we should drive to Monterey and eat at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Rest." It is SOOOOO strange how people here look at me like they feel so incredibly sorry for me. I feel like I need to wear a huge sign with neon lights declaring, "I actually LOVE my children, consider them a tremendous blessing, and really do enjoy them!! Oh and just so you know, they ARE NOT contagious!!!!!!"
So yeah Ashley (and all you other mommas that get the crazy looks)...I feel ya and if it makes you feel better, the West Coast sucks at being family/kid friendly! Ahhh...I feel much better now.
I think one of the most annoying comments I got while pregnant with Riley was "You do know how that happens right?" I got this comment more than once. Seriously? I know they are just joking and trying to be funny, but it was really just annoying. So I give the classic courtesy "hmm" that they will mistake for a laugh, and then walk away rolling my eyes and shaking my head. Yes, I know I look like I'm 17 and shouldn't have kids, but I do, and yes, I do know how that happens. Errggh! Don't get me started.....
Kara-It will totally pay off when they're in HS and you're the (ever so appropriately) hot mom. We'll be hot moms together. I'll just be the fat one. ;)