frog fears
Saturday night, I was out cold. In my special chair, of course.
It was around midnight when I heard Jamin clamber from the bed to let Chloe out for one of her nightly bathroom rituals. A few moments later, all the lights were on in the living room, subsequently shining right into my face.
"What are you doing?" I asked groggily, a bit annoyed.
"I think a frog jumped on my leg when I opened the door, but I'm not sure."
I gave a slight laugh, and rolled back over to block the lights from my face. {Any of you who have read for some time, know we're swiss family robinson over here: rabbits, snakes, turtles, cyotees, squirrels, deer, wombats and frogs are only touching the surface with wild animal encounters on our side of the world.)
I dozed for at least fifteen minutes and woke again.
The lights were STILL on.
"Are you STILL looking?" I asked him, now struggling to gain enough momentum on my own to do a half fat girl roll out of the Punky Brewster bed chair I now ritualistically slumber in.
"Yes."
"Oh for heaven's sake..."
"I found it!" he exclaimed, as I joined him on his frog hunt in the living room. I looked down at a generously sized kermit sitting nervously at our bedroom door. Jamin had been looking for long enough that the lil tree frog had now traveled all the way to where we now stood... "Let me get something to catch him in," he added.
"What?" I asked him, squinting through the lights, "Are you kidding?"
{Let's pause this story for a second, shall we? Jamin is a man's man. A manly man. An I'm-good-at-any-sport-I-pick-up, chicks-(once upon a time before he was taken, perhaps they still do)-dig-me, I-enjoy-camping-hiking-rock-climbing-sky-diving-mudding, and used-to-do-all-these-fun-manly-things-before my-wife-and-kids-ruined-my-life, kinda man. He stands at a tall dark and handsome 6'3" 190 lbs. of unintimidated status ...man. Think testosterone. RAWR. That being WELL established, we shall now proceed.}
"Well I'm not gonna touch him" Jamin responded, now a bit defensively.
I laughed. "Oh my gosh you're so not kidding!" I now looked at him incredulously as I dove down to catch the slimey little sucker on my own.
Other than spiders and roaches, it may surprise a few of you to know I'm not your typical girly girl. At least not ALL of the time. And I can't believe I've been in a ten year relationship with Jamin, all the while completely aloof to his apparent "distain" for frogs.
I felt (oh so hilariously) betrayed. Lied to. Deceived.
Powerful.
"You're so scared." I said, still surprised at this new revelation.
"I'm not SCARED."
"YES you are! You wouldn't touch him!" I responded, still laughing after I returned Kermit to his rightful place of origins. "WHO are YOU?"
"I just don't like the whole they-pee-and-you-get-warts thing."
"I'm sorry?"
"It freaks me out."
"What???"
"I just don't want warts."
"You dork! That's such a myth! Handled many a frog. No warts. Likely story. You're scared."
"No. I just don't want to risk it."
"Are you being SERIOUS right now???? {pause} "Sissy."
And this joyous banter from yours truly continued upon our return to our rightful resting places...
"Frogs are freaky." was all he could muster from my constant barrage of new attacks.
"Oh my gosh! You're so serious right now! LOSER!"
Oh the ideas that were implanting themselves as we continued our conversation. Emerson placing frogs on Daddy. Buckets of frogs on Daddy via Aiden. Frogs in general...thrown on daddy...I don't have to get too creative here.
We had almost drifted into the happy land of sleep...
When I joyfully shot another "WUSS!" into the darkness.
More posts here:
Supa Blogga Supreme Mama
12 Comments
View Printer Friendly Version
Email Article to Friend
Reader Comments (12)
Ashley, you are hilarious! I wish you could have video taped Jamin while he was acting like this. Or better yet, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall at the time.You guys sound like you have a lot of fun over there.
Thank you so much for that mental image!
Do you think it was the same one you found smashed, hanging above your door?! Jamin did some sort of voodoo so you would find the hanging legs!
haha! no. it was actually that same day. I found the dead frog, and then the live one jumped in our den that night. UGH. I DID freak over that one...in all fairness. But then again, so did Jamin with his SPADE.
It is amazing what lengths you will go to in order to entertain your readers! This story is full of lies and half truths. Let the record show that it was not a 15 minute search, but a 30 second search. (Lord knows I would have just gone back to bed if it lasted over 2 minutes.)
And it wasn't just any tree frog, it had little devilish beady eyes and as it pounced on me I could hear it screeching in an ear piercing noise "redrum, redrum, redrum." When I found it in the corner its head was spinning in a complete 360 and was hovering 2 inches above its body. I was not retreating in fear to get something to catch it with, but was simply going to fetch the Book of Armaments so that I might know how to use the Holy hand grenade on the unruly beast, who had been naughty in his sight.
So please rest assured that I was in full control of the situation and there was no need for you to get up.
Lovely. Case in point.
What, no kiss?? Not that you would have run away with him if he were indeed a prince, but just to check and see...
Hahahaha! We have them all over the place here, too--just frogs--no wombats, etc. But I'm on constant frog rescue alert because our dog tries to lick them whenever he sees one.
Please I can't handle most of the creatures God made - how is it I have 2 boys again??
It's ok, Jamin - I don't like them peeing on my hands either. ;-)
redrum....ha, ha, that's great! hilarious story ashley!
This is hilarious!!! I am amazed at all of the critters you guys have found in your house.