tell 'em large marge sent ya.
1. I am officially 27 weeks pregnant. That's 6.5 months. 13 weeks until the big D-Date. All these : third trimester vs. weeks vs. months STILL baffle me, and I'm a bit of a veteran. Whatev. I feel like I just took that pregnancy test, and here I am, truckin along. Just call me Large Marge. I took a pic to document this monumental large bellied occasion because even though I HATE it I know I'll regret it later if I don't...quite a few of you had asked so here ya go. Unfurled in all my glory. {Well, if I wanted to show you ALL my glory I could always take a pic in an old bikini top, a-la white trash style, but I shall spare you. And your subsequently broken computer screens.}
2. Jamin and I ventured to lunch today while Aiden was at school. We went to a fancy shmancy "pinky place" as Jamin calls them: Nancy Patterson's Bistro. I waddled into the door with Emmy in arms while he parked the mini and when seated, I promptly asked for what any other parent would: a high chair.
"Oh, we don't have high chairs," the waitress replied. "You DON'T have high chairs?" I repeated slowly in disbelief. I then looked around and saw a crowd of people around 50 years older than me dressed to the hilt in their Boca Raton-ish zebra prints and sparkly shoes smattered with bright pink toenails and spray-ons. I was looking cute, but I wasn't trying too hard. Jeans. Cute top. Actually showered. This was beyond the point. Please tell me: WHO DOESN'T HAVE HIGH CHAIRS? This restaurant is a nice place smack dab in the middle of the downtown projects. A little fecicious of themselves not to offer high chairs. I wasn't raised solely in a Mickey Dee's, and I have actually eaten in some pretty nice places, and NEVER ONCE have I failed to receive a high chair when seated. This restaurant was a complete waste of time, and I am insulted by the discrimination I felt for bringing a babe in arms, being forced to HOLD her the entire time. Seriously? You people are losing major business with your snooty no high chair policy. Get over yourselves. I won't be going back, child or not. You're not that great.
3. I have griped to the ends of the earth regarding the changes the pregnant body does go through. Forget the fact that my waist will probably never return to its original shape, and my thighs now officially have globules of fat hanging off of them from years of prego induced cheetos consumption. I can now officially throw my girls over my shoulder so that my babes can ride piggy back and eat on the go. But let's talk about the not so common changes. I had a friend who's nose grew. Permanently. I knew a woman who sounded like a man after she gave birth to triplets. Her voice literally dropped three octaves and I thought she was a transvestite. So I can't complain, TOO much. But here's the deal. My hair was straight as a board. Then I had Aiden, and with each subsequent babe, an entirely new texture entered my life. Kinky hair. And it's not good beach hair kinky. It's curly in the back, straight in the front, botched perm circa 1985 kinky. In the mornings, I feel as if I can mount our king sized bed, throw on a miniskirt with high heels and give an extremely moving rendition of "What's Love Got to Do With It" Tina Turner Style-A private concert for my three adoring fans plus Chloe. Because my hair looks like that. I am so Tina Turner. Help. Please share any weird changes you experienced. I'm completely frustrated. I feel so alone!!!
...Have a great weekend!
Supa Blogga Supreme Mama
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Reader Comments (21)
"and when they pulled the bodies from the wreckage, it looked like this....." (insert crazy face with eyes popping out) I love it! Large Marge, how great.
Dear God, When I am pregnant with my third child, PLEASE, PLEASE, PUH-LEEEEEESE let me look like Ashley! I will give up diet cokes from Somic, I will color my own hair, and I will forgo my quarterly pedi.
Your faithful servant, Dallas
see, I wrote "Somic" because it's kind of like crossing my finger...I meant Sonic
Ashley you look great!!!
We once took the twins to Back Yard Burger and they only had ONE high chair. It was family night and we had two babies that each needed a chair. Unfortunately there was another child in the one and only high chair and he certainly DID NOT need it! He looked as if he were about to start Kindergarten, but there we sat! I think all public places should have high chairs, changing stations and nursing rooms. I actually had to change Jack the other day on a nice piece of furniture at one of those "fancy" restaurants. :)
Pregnancy change - just one - my foot grew 1/2 an inch and there is no amount of exercise that can make it go back. Bye bye 1/2 sized shoes. :(
Sorry, my comment made it seem as if I only had one change during my pregnancies. That is so far from the truth. I only wanted to share one such change. :) I think that I could write a book on the changes my dear body has gone through.
I can just see you dancing on the bed, Tina Turner style! Thanks for the colorful writing so we can pretend we are right there experiencing things with you. :)
As for pregnancy changes..I'm super glad my voice didn't drop three octaves! However, bigger feet did. Boo.
That is super disappointing about Nany Patterson's Bistro because they have the BEST strawberry cake!
I had a co-worker who had medium-brown hair, and after her pregnancy, her hair turned black. It looks dyed now but it's her "new natural" color!
Dallas-you are way too sweet. I just laughed out loud.
yeah, you look really good...i'm jealous, way to be pregnant and retain hotness, it's not fair. :)
I am thinking of driving the hour from Birmingham to Montgomery just to smack you, because you have obviously made some kind of pact with the devil. NO ONE looks that good....NO ONE!! It's just not right. You look fabulous! 27 weeks?? I am 11 weeks and have a large protruding stomach bigger than you! I have already had people ask if I am having twins. Last night a friend from church took one look at me and said, "well you popped." Ugh! My prayers to night will sound something like this,"Father, when I grow up please let me look more like Ashley."
And the whole highchair thing? Not cool. Not cool at all. If they don't want children in their establishment then they need to make it known, like with a sign...Adults only....although that might attract the wrong kind of crowd.
ya'll are too funny. ps has anyone noticed how google keeps throwing dating sites on my site for their advertising? starting to annoy. big time. totally irrelevant to anything I ever talk about on here...
LOL! You look awesome!!! I don't have anything strange, just the norm, BLAH!!!
My hair is major curly now. Major. It was just kinda funky bent-up looking bedhead waves before I was pregnant. Now I can totally rock the 80's big hair with only some Redken Ringlet and a diffuser. I actually kinda like that change. But the one I hate is that all my shirts got shorter. Somehow the morphage of my body made all my shirts too short even thought my boobs went back to normal (or at least pre-preggo size...they will never be normal again) and I wear the same size clothes as i did pre preggers. Explain that one. i think it's my big 'ol birthing hips or wider shoulders or some other physiological mystery.
You look wonderful at 27 weeks. I am 31 weeks and feel like a cow. I do have to say that with my third pregnancy my hair is just a mess! And seriously, I don't know that this body will ever be seen in a bathing suit again.
Every time I read your blog you make me crack up! You are so funny and should totally write a book.
So on to the world of changes after pregnancy...
I also had the weird kinky hair thing in the back. I actually chopped my hair off short about a year and a half after Will was born. I thought I was going to get lucky with Gracie since I hadn't noticed it but at my last hair cut it decided to make its grand appearance. Be looking for a new stylish bob to be appearing on my head in the next six months. oh, well! I also lost a cup size upstairs... do you think plastic surgery on a ministers salary would be doable? : )
BTW- You look great!! Can't believe you are that close to D-day!
Alisha-I am TOTALLY getting a job. Only I'll just call it a lift so no one will condemn me for doing so haha.
Um yeah... I caught a glimpse of my profile in a mirror at work the other day and thought, "Who is that????" Yeah, it was me... HAVE MERCY!!
Ummmm, I look bigger than that now. And I'm not pregnant... although the cashier at Motherhood thinks I am. Tonight I went there to purchase another of my beloved stretchy tanks. While checking out, the cashier says, "And when is your due date." Not feeling like explaining the fact that I'm not pregnant, only fat and depressed at the fact I've been trying to get pregnant with no luck, I mumble, "umm, I dunno." Lady asks, "Well can you guess??" Seriously?? BACK OFF LADY. It's not like non-pregnant people don't shop there for friends and relatives all.the.time. I said, "Ummm, no thanks," swiped my card and hauled my un-pregnant round belly out of there!
Nothing makes me more angry than a restaurant who is unsympathetic to those of us who have children!
I have had to change my twins, one at a time on a tiny counter-top in a non-changing-tabled bathroom. Laying the one baby around the sink. Keeping their little hands from the soap dispenser. Holding the other baby while simultaneously changing the first. Trying to keep all three of us clean! And cursing the owners in Christian-like, baby-talk, angry-language the whole time!
So, PHOOEY on all of you who will not provide the basic essentials all of us Mothers need! We know who you are!
Let's start a list!
And BLESS YOU, the inventor of the fold-down-strap-in seat on the wall in the bathroom! You make it so much simpler for us to do our business! (If only there were 2 seats.) And Bless You who have it installed in your restrooms!
The first sign of my pregnancies was curly hair. I remember with Adam, my first, I had just gotten out of the shower and my husband,Abrahm, looked at my hair and said, "When did your hair get so curly?". That was before we even knew. So when I was about 2 weeks pregnant with Adalee, our third (and last), Abrahm looked at me while I was getting ready and said, "Honey, I hate to break it to you, but you're pregnant again!" I asked him how he knew and he said, "It's the third time and your hair is starting to look like Shirley Temple's again." Should have believed him. I would have saved a fortune on pregnancy tests!
By the way, I never looked as good as you at that stage in the pregnancy! Good luck and thanks for making me smile!
Amy in Tennessee