you are one funny lady, i was rolling the whole time. i never was one for a mess and preferred the tidy little csection route that i had to take with the twins.

i like your description of blood spattered walls at home. don't think i would like to sleep where i birthed, just not my style.

I guess I should rethink the home birth I have planned for Andrew. Think of it deliver a baby in the very bed you sleep in everynight - ahh how peaceful. :) Just kidding! I shudder at the thought of my water breaking at home and would I have enough time to properly clean before getting to the hospital or even be able to? Who needs the added pressure?

I just had to google "monokini". That's just too funny!

I don't really understand the whole birth at home. Some of my favorite episodes are the ones where the kids actually get in the tub and "deliver" the baby (GROSS!!!). Talk about tramatic! Once I saw a show where one lady was trying to go all natural. I think that by the time the baby was born, she had sampled every piece of "birthing equipment". I just don't get it!

You are so funny!! You forgot to mention - do you really want to be the one cleaning the baby up for the first time??? You know all that gross stuff splattered on the walls...is all over the sweet baby!! I will take a nice warm baby in a sweet blanket please...no splatter =)...I don't think my hubby would do as well as the great nurses =).

You say all the things I THINK but am too afraid to say! You sure you don't have a post about your thoughts on Baby Wise?? Ha! I checked a friend's blog about a month ago, and she posted that her best friend had just had a baby boy and he was so cute, and she provided a link. I clicked on it expecting to see a cute baby in a hospital, but instead I got a picture of way too many people crammed in a kiddie pool:
http://www.goodlikeamedicine.com/archives/653
The chic wrote that whilst she was blogging, her husband had taken the baby to the hospital to get "checkout out" and the midwife had just left the house. WHAT?? You can seriously throw a 1-hour-old baby into a carseat (I'm hoping) and go for a middle-of-the-night joy ride? And the woman who just had a baby is sitting in a kiddie pool on her laptop instead of holding her sweet baby? THIS is supposed to be the ultimate in nurturing and bonding???

I was laughing so hard I start crying. Thanks I needed that!!! On a side note...I'm emailing you about the art work. :)

You are GROSSLY uninformed about this topic!!!

I gave birth to my ds at home last year, electively mind you (a waterbirth). No mess at all. No blood is on my wall or my mattress. (No redneck heirlooms. I'm no uneducated redneck! As a matter of fact, I personally have a masters degree and attended the great Auburn University, like you I belive?) There are provisions for any potential mess! And a good midwife cleans up everything including washing several loads of laundry if need be.

No "scary, bossy" midwives either. Very loving support! She is there the whole time, not just stepping in like an OB to do a cervical check every now and again to make life changing decisions like "You need major abdominal surgery that will increase the likelihood that you and your baby will die by four times!" Homebirth midwives are highly trained in the birth process AND emergency situations. That are more capable than an OB in dealing with many of the issues that can arise with the least amount of intervention.

Birthing at a hospital is what doesn't make sense to me. Why would you want to share such an intimate family moment with medical staff who create problems with all of their interventions (pitocin, epidurals, etc.) and put you on a time limit. (They need the room for the next patient! The more cattle they can herd through, the more money!!!) Birth is not a medical event in most cases. If you one of those rare cases that needs medical care, then deliver in the hospital. I prefer to "give birth" to my baby, not have some cold group of staff "deliver" my baby to me. Many other industrialized countries have a MUCH higher percentage of home births than the good ole' USA with a MUCH LOWER maternal and infant death rate. That speaks volumes about our so-called technology.

I occasionally enjoy reading your blog... it usually gives me a good laugh! I was surprised today when I clicked over and the topic was home birth. I was more surprised that someone who is uneducated about the topic would attempt to even describe home birth. You are certianly looking at the wrong source of birthing information if it's coming from "A Baby Story." You should read "Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care" by Jennifer Block. Go to her site at http://jenniferblock.com/wordpress/?page_id=9 and read up. The information there is science and statistics based!!! That's where you should look, not at a show that thrives on drama.

Peace.

Well, thank you JR! As I said, this was purely in jest. And, as I believe I warned in the beginning, come back tomorrow and I will be poking fun at myself. A satyrical essay, as most are... sometimes controversial. I knew this entry would be stepping on toes, and I AM poorly educated on it. I was speaking on my preferences for cleanliness. No claims on expertise here. I like that you left your opinion. My site is not one, as you may have read previously, that should be taken quite so seriously.

You don't have to read, if it bothers you. I am someone who opinionatedly writes what others are afraid to say but are thinking, so I am also prepared for those who disagree. Sometimes controversial can be fun. That's fine. I am not seriously thinking you are a redneck. Give me some credit. I do appreciate that you read, and wish you wouldn't take me quite so seriously!

My apologies for offending you...all is fair in love, blogging and sarcasm!

BTW, my children both had declined heart rates, and I am glad I, personally, had educated doctors who could monitor and in effect, save both of their lives. I was there for my children, not the experience. That's why we pay them. Herding or not.

Thanks for reading, if you ever come back! ;)

You are hilarious, supa! ...and JR, lighten up!

To JR:
Um, "birth is not a medical event" Hello? Although I understand that the vast majority of all babies are born without complications, talk to those who have had births that required immediate medical attention. I have nothing against home births if that is your preference but to imply that birthing at a hospital "does't make sense" seems a little over the top to me. Just sayin'.

As for my hospital experience; it was lovely. I have a fantastic OBGYN, I never felt rushed, the process was awesome. If I didn't have to take em' home and raise em' I'd have a whole litter! ;) Sarcasm...please don't accuse me of being an uninformed redneck. Seriously, the staff and facilities were outstanding. My doc even prayed with us before the birth and I consider him to be like family. I feel a special bond with the people who helped bring my son into the world, despite the fact that they were those evil medical-types that were just trying to herd me out so they could make more money. BTW, that was sarcasm too. My OB actually helped me get approval to stay an extra day in the hospital so I could work on breastfeeding with the lactation nurses. I stayed four days and never felt like a cow being herded.

Wow hot topic here! Ok J.R. I think you are a little biased and uninformed about hospital visits. Not sure why I would think that. So as one Master degree holder to the other (insert large amounts sarcasm) who also holds a degree from the loveliest little village on the plains, take a deep breath and learn to laugh at your self, it does the body wonders and I hear prevents cancer, which would lead to those ugly hospital stays and being under the care of those Nazi farmers we call hospital medical staff (insert master's degree level of sarcasm here). Oh and War eagle!

Hi again! :)

I understand that this post was in jest, it just fuels the misinformation that is out there about home birth. I guess that's why it seems like I'm hostile. I'm not, I promise. :) This topic is just close to my heart.

We could debate how the doctors "saved" your babies, but of course I don't know the details. I do know a few things though. Pitocin and epidurals (intervention in the natural process) can lower the heart rate. Lying on your back in a bed can too. (Those three things are very common in hospital maternity care, so I'm assuming some of those apply to your situation.) A simple change in positioning can change the heart rate for the better as well as remaining intervention free. :) I also know that doctors LOVE to make patients think that they swooped in and "saved" the baby. They love to play that card, even when their suggested interventions "caused" the problem that they solved. Ob's are not "evil", they are trained surgeons. Helpful only when needed. I had my first son in a hospital with a midwife. The OB wasn't needed bc I didn't need surgery thanks to remaining intervention free and not going to the hospital until active labor (you know, when you can't smile for a picture anymore). ;)

Also, to assume that someone who has a planned home birth is in it for the experience and not the safety of the baby is a false assumption. To the contrary. Many who plan a home birth do so because of the safety. (There are quite a few studies that verify that the safety rate of home birth is better or at least equal to hospital birth for low risk moms.) I chose not to be at a hospital where the interventions could put my baby's life in danger (lower heart rate, fetal stress, c-sections cause higher infant and maternal mortality, etc.).

Many other women choose home birth because they trust God and what He designed their body to do. I did it for both safety and trust in God and the birth process He designed. :) I'm not saying that if you choose hospital birth you don't trust God or that it is not safe too. It's just harder to remain intervention free with all the time constraints and pressure placed on women there. I've had both hospital and home birth, so I speak of which I know.

I will state again that I'm not hostile toward you or anything! I'm just not sure why people care where others birth their babies. I don't care what you do... have an elective c-section bc you don't want to go through labor like Britney Spears for all I care!!! Your choice!! May we all have birth choices without being judged for them!

You are right... a little debate and controvery is fun. I think it can bring about new understanding on both sides of the coin! I will continue to read your hilarious rendition of life with kiddos. We definitely have that in common.

P.S. Tesney, I'm not the one who accused anyone of being an uninformed redneck! :)

P.S.S I said that hopital birth doesn't make sense to me. I meant "for me." I am a low risk mom, It definitely makes sense for non low riskers! (and anyone else wanting interventions)

P.S.S.S I agree! Raising them is the HARD part!!!

Jamin, I was not bragging about my master's degree. Just showing that I am a women who is well read and educated... not your average redneck as insinuated in the original post!

I'm not uninformed about the hospital. I gave birth there too. Most all of my friends do/have too and have shared their experiences with me.

Lastly, you have to know that in raising 2 little boys, I DO laugh often. ;) I laugh with my boys, at my boys, at myself, at my husband (another AU grad :) and at many situations in which we find ourselves.

War Eagle!!! You know I wouldn't be a TRUE AU fan if I didn't return the battle cry! Can't wait until Saturday's game!

whew! Hot topic! I loved the hospital, but I'm high risk so I guess that made it right for me? And let me tell you that I think the pain of delivering is different for different women because I had Jack without any pain medication and I had Riley with it. I have a pretty high threshold for pain, but having Jack was the most painful thing that I have EVER experienced and would never do it again without that heveanly epidural. In response to JR, because you know I have to, I trust that God gave us great minds to create the technology that is offered in hospitals to have our babies there with less pain and safer precautions. Great description about the blood spattered walls and I totally did google monokinis right after I read your post. Yeah, I don't like them either.

I think JR is being a little over analytical. Kind of turned into a comment massacre. Last word much?

My My! Well let me just add...I do not think Dr. Dupre played any cards in any of the three of my children's births. In my circle, family and friends, homebirth would not have been accepted, and that is fine with me. Even without having to have the CSections for medical reasons (my own brain surgery) I would have been first in line for the hospital, and pain killers:) To each his own, but not all doctors and hospital play cards for money JR. Some do, mine did not. I was also able to stay extra nights, not being herded out, and felt I was given ample attention from Dupre. THanks!

Monokinis are hideous, I had seen, but did not realize until today what they were called. Thanks Ash!

I saw a monokini this weekend at the beach, for the first time in person. YUCK. I've seen them in catalogs but real life is different.

(Yes, I am avoiding the controversial topic of home birthing.)

I'd venture to guess that no hospital allowed anyone an extra night in the labor and delivery room which is the room to which I was referring in the "herding" comment. Those are the rooms that women get rushed out of into the recovery/mommy/baby rooms. I know only of what myself and friends have experienced AND the volumes of books/studies of such things that I've read. The book I referred to in my first comment quotes doctors themselves on this very issue (and many more). Doctors are held, many times, by hospital protocols and insurance mandates that they admit aren't good for mommies and babies. I'm sure none of your doctors or hospitals were quoted in the book. I'm sure they would never put insurance mandates or protocols above your care or allow them to influence any of their decisions about you or suggestions to you. Just sayin'

I wonder if JR is Jonathan Rogers... he too has a Masters Degree from Auburn and loves to argue. Oh, but he can't have a baby. Guess it's not him then.

JR,
I was being funny with the redneck comment...just joining in the banter and being sarcastic to both you and Supa. I know you didn't make the original reference. It's a personal decision. Point established. Funny post, Supa...you may break your record for comments on this one.

Let's all be friends, K? Maybe we can have a big girlie birthing party, watch all our birthing videos, and debate the issue over chocolate cake.

I'll throw another controversial subject out there...ROLL TIDE! Go ahead and comment on how you've owned us for the last 6 years. It's o.k. The tide will turn...eventually...I hope. :)

But J.R. you have to admit you can make stats and interviews of Drs. say whatever you want, surely our beloved Auburn taught you that in School.

Tesney, there was a day that "The tide will turn...eventually...I hope." would have never been a part of the Bama fans language. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Haha just trying to help you out in starting a new controversial subject.

Hannah, are you kidding J.R. be Jonathan???? Jonathan would advocate his wife giving birth on the back of a bike and then forcing her to sky dive with the newborn after the cord was cut.

I agree with Tesney (even though I don't know you). Discuss/resolve the issue over chocolate cake. Chocolate can do wonders. And, ROLL TIDE too!

Tesney-The sad part is, I'm not even sure what my all time high is. GAH I should pay attention. I should have a chart on my wall and fill it in with stickers. Just like Aiden's potty chart.

Let's see...Vote for Obama! You fail as a mother if you don't breast feed! Putting your child in daycare gives them Aids!

There. Pot stirred.

Jamin, have you MET Jonathan's wife??? Jonathan is totally advocating adoption for the simple reason that he doesn't think she can hack pregnancy. He says she has a super-low threshold for pain and he doesn't think she would even handle BEING pregnant well, much less delivering a baby with or without medication! If Karen ever has a baby, I can gaurantee that very VERY large amounts of drugs will be involved!!! That's per Jonathan anyway.

Oh, and believe it or not, the whole "Is JR Jonathan Rogers?" thing was actually a REAL thought that popped in my head, and then I immediately had to laugh at myself when I realized the glitch in that hypothesis! I was just scanning the (few) people I know that went to Auburn for a JR, and Jonathan LOVES to argue. At least with me, since I get to be the little sister he never had (or wanted??). Actually now that I think of it he's not argued with me in a long time. The medication-loving wife has mellowed him. He used to REALLY get under my skin picking arguments with me when I was preggo with Wes.

Oh, and JR, I have done it both ways - epidural and totally natural. I found the epidural delivery to be much more focused and prayerful and special. I was really able to be mentally present to rejoice in the Lord and bond with my baby. Natural childbirth was a blur. I could handle the pain again, but I feel like I totally missed out on the special experience I had with my first. I actually remember looking at my newly-delivered baby (that I had just delivered without so much as a Tylenol!) and wishing there was a way to get her back in so we could have a do-over. The epidural experience was so peaceful and prayerful. Don't kock it 'til ya try it. Don't be too quick to accuse moms who get epidurals of being wimps that just don't want to feel the pain. My doctor advised that he felt it would create a much safer, more controlled environment. Especially in the case of an emergency. My life has been personally touched my so many mothers and children who have been saved by medical care during delivery. I have done natural childbirth, and know that I could handle the pain again. I just want to nurture the best bond possible between me and my baby. And I'm totally okay with the fact that different moms bond best under different circumstances. JR, I think you rock for doing what's best for you. Just wanted to make sure you had thought about the fact that epidurals aren't just about not wanting to feel pain. These epidural mommas just want what's best for their babies, too.

And that's officially my longest blog comment EVER.

Hannah-yet another thing we had in common. What do you think Jonathan and I did, since he was Jamin's roomie? Argue. At least when he wasn't feeding me his mother's plethora of homemade breads and other goodies. Your mom in law rocks.