Dear Emerson,
You are my little princess. I love you dearly. I absolutely adore you. Cooing and laughing and cuddling...People comment all the time on what a wonderful baby you are. You're a real charmer. I want to laugh at that profoundly false statement. Little do these people know that at night, you are Princess Fiona from Shrek. You morph into an ogre. A screaming banshee of a heat seeking missle with Freddy Krueger fingernails prevailing in your vice like grip, to boot. I awake with little scratches on my face as if attacked by a rabies infested cat in the middle of the night. Like something possessed from the Exorcist, you scream until you get your way...
Every. Single. Night.
Mommy and Daddy did a small experiment last night. You sat perched in Daddy's arms, and watched eagerly as I did what I needed to do in the room, my first free moment of the day. As soon as I left your sight, you began wailing inconsolably, Freddy fingers extended, moving menacingly with minds of their own in the air. Your eyes glowed red. I came back. Immediately, the crying ceased. Why must you drive me crazy like this, Emmy-Loo? Only Mommy will do.
Did you know Mommy is now on her second blow dryer since you have been born? My blow dryer was brand new. Those things are supposed to last about three years. Mine lasted six months. At nap time I slip you into your swing, while you scream in protest...fan on in the kitchen and the blow dryer, as well. And no, nothing else will do. I have tried numerous times to place you in your crib you still have yet to sleep in, for a nap. As if posessed by the all seeing powers of that which is able to make mommy miserable, your little eyes are immediately opened, and you have progressed from dreaming happily in my arms to psycho "License to Wed" animatronics baby as soon as I put you down. You cried screamed for an hour and fifteen minutes one day. Mommy had no option BUT to help you out.
Did you know you only take about two thirty-minute naps a day? And the nights. Oh the nights. You morph, and scream until I lie down with you in my bed. I wait until your breathing becomes even, your pacie stops moving, and your grabby little fingers have relinquished a bit on their vice like grip you refuse to ease on even during sleep. Your feet stretch out onto my stomach, for double protection-extra security measures sure to wake you in case I try to escape. And escape I do. I slowly slither out of the bed Matrix style, my head hitting the floor first. The olympic ribbon dancer people have nothing on this mommy. I have perfected the art of elusion a-la-Emmy. I then replace a pillow at your side as if I were Ferris Bueller complete with recorded snoring sounds. But you have Extra Sensory Baby powers, and begin wailing as soon as I have made it to the floor in one fail, silent special ops-style swoop. And I have to start over again
I've read books. I've tried stripping down and tossing the shirt off my back, leaving it with you like they do with puppies. I've rocked, caressed, bounced, paced, nursed, and everything in between. Daddy and I wake every morning pushed to the far ends of the bed, and a happily snoozing you lying horizontally between us. Mommy even tried Benadryl once (given persmission) Yep, that's right. I drugged you up. It didn't work.
If one more person tells me I'm starting a bad habit, in letting you sleep with us, suggests that military book on babies, or tries telling me I'm just not doing it right, I may have to pull out my imaginary rifle and cock it in their face as a death threat. Mommy knows this. She has tried to sooth you, but you're all, crying and stuff, because you are evil, planning my demise, and I do not wish to be a full time zombie, so alas, I hang my head in admitted defeat. You may sleep with us until you are sixteen. And not achieve through the night status until twelve.
My hope is that one day, when you are caring for my beautiful grandchildren, and I'm there to help like your Gigi has me, and you're complaining to me about sleepless nights, I may hand you this letter.
Smirking in pure satisfactory joy, because you know what they say payback is.
I love you dearly
Mommy
Supa Blogga Supreme Mama
19 Comments
View Printer Friendly Version
Email Article to Friend
Reader Comments (19)
Pleaaaassssssse keep this letter! Do it, do it...hand it to her when she's in distress!
I'm sorry you are having such troubles. I will pray that it will subside soon.
Awww, I am so sorry you're both going through this. I'm not much help in this area. Mine slept "okay", I never had the "sleep all night at 2 months" kind like my cousin has, but I did get a little sleep.
My sister had such a hard time with her new baby. Well…new…No Kelli, he's like 8 months old now! But anyway - he was hard to handle, screaming and hollering and all. At one point my Mother swore he had to have some kind of tumor or something. I know you've probably had millions of people handing you book after book, so ignore me if you've heard this one. But "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"? It really helped Jackson, as long as he gets his naps, it really make a huge difference.
Okay, so just don't "pretend shoot" me through the computer. The book is the only thing I know. I'm sure you have to be EXHAUSTED! So here's hoping you get some rest! Good luck! :)
whoops, guess kelli did not read the part about books not helping.
i too went through desperate phase, mostly because i was of the strong belief that i could effect change in them. then i gave up/in and we do what we do. they have never been great sleepers, but it is just about okay now.
so, my only thing(s) to say is....you are a great mama. you are awesome for writing this letter, making it funny and touching all at the same time. you will laugh one day thinking about it, but feel free to cry at any time during this. and i wish i could give you a hug.
hugs. amiee
Okay, here is what works...ear plugs!
That is my advice. Oh, and have your pantry filled to the brim with coffee.
At least she is super cute, I bet that helps some ;).
Ohhhh... you so just hit a nerve. Let's start a club for moms who are ready to shoot the next person to extol the superiority of Baby Wise (so called "sleep-training Bible). By babies have both actually slept just fine at night, but all of my friends are brain-washed Baby Wise Nazis who feel it their duty to inform all non-Baby-Wisers of their inferiority. They blog endlessesly about how perfect their babies are because of Baby Wise, about how smart they are for using Baby Wise, and how stupid or just sadly ignorant all non-Baby-Wise converts truly must be. At least that's how it comes across to me, a mere mortal that happens to LOVE to rock my babies to sleep. I've kept quiet and tried not to feel offended, but now that I have found my Anti-Baby-Wise ally, I just had to let that out. I don't think any of my Baby Wise friends read your blog, and if anyone reading this is offended, my deepest apologies. We just need to realize that each baby is truly unique, and the way we choose to parent is deeply personal. I respect you for doing whatever you gotta do. I actually consider it an honor to nurse a baby at night... what a special time! It's the only quiet prayer time I get with Anna Kate. She's sleeping through the night most nights now, but I'm not frustrated a bit when duty calls. 20 years from now I'm sure I'd do ANYTHING to go back in time and snuggle that sweet baby in my bed again! Hope it gets better, but cherish what you can!
Absolutely... positively...hilarious! Emmy will appreciate that letter one day!
HILARIOUS!! I feel for you, we don't do much sleeping around here either...but what do you do when those sweet little eyes look at you and love you so much!! And I am so with you (and the comments above), I am so TIRED of the "advice" from others, I was already TIRED to begin with! She is so going to appreciate you so much when she is a Mama one day...great post =).
I am so so sorry that she is being so tough right now. She is super cute though and you can't resist a little cute face like that. :)
It's so funny, this thing on advice. It seems to come from the older mamas, who relish in the days of yore. They totally mean well. And in some weird way, I guess I appreciate it, until they get pushy. Then I push back. (In a non confrontational passive aggressive kind of way...aka later when I replay the convo in my head and realize what I SHOULD have said)
Not to state the obvious, but that sucks. That's all there is to it. I have no advice, of course, (not that I would dare give it to you, lol) but I can pray for you!
Has your mom given you your letter yet?
I too wish I could burn every BabyWise book and the like. Every child is different and every parent is as well. I wish someone had told me that is was ok to "give in"!! I beat myself up a lot because I tried to take well meaning advice and MAKE it work. Some people deserve to be shot if they can't keep thier mouths closed. I say, do whatever keeps you sane!!! I am not even sure I can say I "liked" my precious little one until she was about a year...
Bless your heart! It stinks to be sleep deprived. Do what you need to do and stay strong! She will eventually change, my daughter did.
I am a high school friend of Jamin's and happened upon your site a while back. I check it religiously, sometimes obssessively.....You amuse and entertain me greatly!
I am commenting on this post because I know EXACTLY how you feel. My second son, Isaac, played that lovely game too. I truly felt that God was punishing me. What could I possibly have done to deserve this? People actually long to have children? Don't they know how awful it can be?? Do they want mine????? He is now 14 months and sleeps 12 to 14 hours every single night in his own bed. How did I do it? See your problem is that you are doing it all wrong.
ONLY KIDDING!!!!!! I have no words of wisdom, I wish that I did. I finally let him scream it out for 2+ hours a few nights (as per the doctor's orders) and on the third night he miraculously fell asleep immediately. He now refuses to let me rock him to sleep, which does make me a little sad, but the alternative........ The little demon also refused to take a bottle, ever, EVER. Anyhoo, I hope that her attachment ends soon. Surely it can't last forever! You and Jamin will be in my prayers!
Don't let anyone tell you what's best for your baby. That was our biggest pet peeve when Phoenix was little. Everyone always seemed to ask "Is he sleeping through the night yet?" "Are you letting him sleep with you?"
Phoenix slept in the guest bedroom with me for a while when he was little and I don't regret it and the lack of sleep I suffered one bit. That was where he was comfortable and felt safe, so I did what it took.
We had people give us the book Baby Wise and I disagreed with almost everything in that book. I came up with what worked for us and put that into a schedule for Phoenix and we are still doing that to this day. He is no longer sleeping with me, and to be honest, I miss our snuggle time together. They grow up so fast.
You poor thing! But I second what Dallas said--surely her cuteness helps just a little?!
And the sleeping with the parents thing? Guilty. I would sleep in their floor in HIGH SCHOOL after I watched a scary movie. Yeah...
I can't imagine what you guys are going through. I also do the "this is what I should have said" playback over and over again.
Obviously I have no advice. Except to say, keep writing, dear sleep-deprived friend! You will be a famous author one day and I can't wait to be able to say "She pumped milk for the first of her sixteen children five minutes before walking down the aisle at my wedding." Ha, okay maybe that's a little much--perhaps you'll only have twelve. ;)
You are the queen of making lemonade.
P.S.---So what's the approved dosage of Benadryl for a tot these days???