Whilst munching on my morning bagel, a few ideas about the T.V. shows Aiden loves to watch began to formulate in my mind...

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse:
Why do Mickey and Minnie's ears levitate freakishly as if separate from their heads? Their ears float on top in order to maintain a side view, no matter which way they turn. This is perspectively incorrect and awkward to watch, oh ye great masters of mysterious illustration, hovering in the wings of those Florida studios at Disney! Find a correct position and work with it. I am fearful that if they move too much, their ears may just fall off. It's like they can't catch up to their sporadic movements. That would make a great episode. One morning M and M wake up (gasp! They were in the SAME BED) sans ears and have to use Tootles to help them locate their missing parts. Only they never find them and the victims are made to wander aimlessly, consequentially bald...That's for making me work for mere pennies in college at your little Disney World, Mickey! Who's laughing now?

While we're encountering this subject matter, why does Daisy have a mullet tucked into a pony tail? They really need to shorten that sucker. It lengthened over the years, because I don't recall a pony tail when I was a kid. Will she pull it down with a sexy shake and have hair all over when she tries to seduce Donald behind the clubhouse? Or is it simply an overgrown rat tail that stays in the back? That's hot.

Max and Ruby:
Where are those children's parents? Someone needs to cart those kids off to the nearest adoption agency and hold them there until their negligent grandma finally acknowledges full custody and quits merely checking in on them on a whim because she's too busy participating in the latest bake off with her granny friends. At first I thought the parents weren't in the scene for the day but the more episodes I watched, I saw Ruby giving Max baths, tucking him in...the activities which generally require parental involvement. Are their parents dead and they're living in a fantasy world until the welfare people come? Did Ruby kill off her mother as her all too encompassing thirst for power took over and she could no longer resist? Is mom downstairs in the basement while Ruby occasionally visits, proclaiming "it rubs the lotion on it's skin" while lowering bottles down a well? While I'm on the subject of Ruby, someone please slap her in her fat bunny face and tell her that her over the top approach to parenting is more than a bit bossy. I keep waiting for Max to react in a fit of anger, clubbing with one of her freaky dolls.

Dora:
Can't Swiper mercilessly devour her while she's sleeping, and then finish off that obnoxious monkey for dessert? He's a big fox. He can share her with the Grumpy Old Troll if he can't digest her GARGANTUAN head. Then he can cross the dirt road of their little Mexican jungle and eat Diego and Alicia for lunch the next day.

Handy Manny:
Isn't really that handy. His tools do all the work. They should join the union, go on strike and quit fighting amongst themselves all the time, forming a united front against their slave driver of an owner. Sure, Manny looks all innocent, but that shopkeeper next door refuses his help because he hears the screams of the innocent tools coming through the walls of his neighboring place late in the night while manny forces them to build his evil robot to kill off all the obnoxious towns people who ask him for help without ever coughing up the pesos. Those tools should start their own business. Eat it, Manny! He's nothing without those tools and yet I keep seeing his little round face discreetly take all the credit while the tools are cavorting freakishly in the background celebrating their latest victory.

The Wonderpets:
How does Tuck go from his cage to the bottom of the sink swimming upward every time that phone rings? Is there some passage way I am unaware of that leads all the way across the room underground? Kindercare's got some major plumbing problems. Why is Lenny so androgynous? She reminds me a little too much of a butch softball player.

Little Einsteins:
Love the show. Love the song. But that useless rocket can't do anything without a pat or a wave or something to help him out. Ever heard of GASOLINE, kids? My mom purchased a DVD for Aiden, and when we had it playing in the car, it was still on the menu section as we were driving, and we had no idea. When suddenly, the soothing music ceased, and Leo's voice came over the speaker, "You're still here!?" he said incredulously. "You Idiot! Make a freakin' selection!" (Sans the inappropriate language, that's what he REALLY said, but we know what he meant. It was too late. He had already scarred us with his pompous undertones.) I'll burn your rocket, kid! Burn it to the ground!

Oh the great questions that are posed precariously for the adults to answer while our children are mercilessly brainwashed right under our noses...