1. On Thursday morning, the carpet cleaning guy appeared on my doorstep an entire hour early. You think I would have learned my lesson by now, as I fought back a rabid Chloe, and reluctantly answered the door by the third knock. (Awkward, inappropriately dressed confrontations like this are my forte.) I barely had enough time to cover embarrassing areas with a baggy sweatshirt, remove my glasses, and coat my sleepy lashes in a thin film of ill fated mascara. {the Mascara gave me a bit of an Elvira look...merely capitalizing on my white trash theme.} Let alone brush my teeth.
Hello, putrid.
The house was coated in unfinished laundry, as I was just beginning to tackle it after my latest rebellion/hiatus/woeisme session. I was so behind on Laundry, that Emerson slept in Aiden's "Mr. Messy" t-shirt, the night before. Enter awkwardness. This carpet cleaning guy was not your typical cleaner. In other words, no, he was not fat, nor was he old, OR unattractive. This merely complicated the situation, as I felt I wouldn't have cared so much if the stranger in my house had no excuse for their appearance, as well. Common ground, you see. (Yes, I am extremely shallow in unfortunate situations such as this.) CCguy even referred to Emerson as "Buddy". See: Awkward situation upgraded to truly unfortunate as I began apologizing for my appearance, and explaining Emerson was a girl but I was obviously behind on the laundry. I usually don't live like this, etc... etc.
I became the over-explaining nervous rambler, even offering to have the guy and his wife back to our house so he would see what everything "normally" looked like. (nervous laughter ensued) Yeah. Too far. No wonder he finished so quickly.
2. Could my stomach BE any bigger? I am officially as large now as I was with Aiden at five months. And yes, I found a picture in the back of an album the other day from the first horrid transformation I underwent. I was so naive. GOODBYE BODY. FOREVER. I'm pacing this entry with cute photos of the kids so I won't have a nervous breakdown...I have decided I am destined to spend a life of obesity in elastic waisted pants and floppy tent-sized shirts. I'm getting a BODY LIFT when all this is said and done. Did you know they actually relocate your belly button for that? (See me, rocking back and forth in corner..fetal position...it doesn't matter...it doesn't matter...) OH the transformations mommies go through is just downright HORRID AND UNFAIR. CURSE YOU, EVE! You are the reason I now have more dimples than I can count and woman parts that flop in grotesque ways if I so much as move an inch. A POX UPON YOUR HOUSES!!! Yeah. Did I meantion I've had a few woe is me moments?
3. And now onto lighter subjects...some before and afters! Since I can't paint right now Jamin was gracefully under my direction, ( I tried to explain it to him as he was my designer, and I was the art director, which from my personal experience equaled personal slave...) and I think he did a fabulous job! The first is a piece I grew up with, the second a mirror which needed a not-so-kirklands punch, and the third, a flea market find we are using as an entertainment center. I'm so proud of him! Hope everyone is having a wonderful non stressful week!
Yeah, we're kind of addicted...