Last night in our Jr. High girl's class, we were playing a version of Who's Line is it Anyway, regarding dating. The topic was embarrassing things your father can say to a date. This little jewel of a story came to mind, and I thought I would share with you.
Humiliating moment no. 5554:
I was living in Auburn. I think it was in between my Sophomore and Junior year in college. I had been there for the summer, and I was getting ready to move to a new place my roommate's parents had recently purchased. In the meantime, however slightly ghetto is was, we had resided in an apartment complex that was once considered the "it" place to live amongst our friends. It didn't matter that mildew seeped through the walls, or that the threadbare navy blue carpet still existed, filthy since the early 80's. Or that my parents had questioned its safety every time the train rattled through right beside the back windows. Everyone knew everyone in the three story Complex. The place, was, admittedly, in its final days, but we were determined to live there anyway. We thought we were so cool.
Jamin lived right above me, as well as a few other friends, on the top floor. I had begun dating him my sophomore year, and we were still together, after a brief stint of not-so-much, that merely lasted a few weeks. (We were over it quite quickly, though looking back, I realized I should have made him suffer longer. What???)
In the process of packing and unpacking, my parents came down, and I remember they spent the weekend, helping me clear some things out, as well as bringing me a drafting table that I could work on, as my major was becoming quite demanding for work space. My roommates probably still hate me to this day, as I was constantly making some giant sculpture, painting in the kitchen, or cutting jibblets of paper on the counters for my next project. I was finally getting a room of my own, even if it was the size of a small walk in closet. Needless to say, I needed a little more space to work. I was back at the old apartment, I think getting ready to clean or something, and my parents were leaving, as they were living in Florida at the time and they had to get back. While they were there, my always well meaning father gave me a brief speech regarding purity and how I should remain so until marriage. AAAWWWWKKKWWWWWAAAARRRDDDD.
Yeah. Looking back now, no matter how humiliating it was, I realize it was probably good for me to hear such things coming from the male role model in my life. I really had no option but to suck it up and listen, anyway.
So, my parents were in their car, pulling out of the driveway. Since everyone lived in this complex, there were a crowd of our friends on the lawn, playing football. Most of them guys, and one of them Jamin. As they were backing out, my father rolled down the window, and with a wave of his arm to tell me goodbye, exclaimed: "Bye Honey! Stay a virgin!"
For all ears to hear. Including Jamin's.
I don't remember much after my well meaning father's final serenade. I swatted my arm and him and frowned severely, and then waved meekly while they turned their car to drive away, hoping no one had noticed. My mother punching him in the arm repeatedly as their tail lights faded in the distance.
I think after that, I melted into the sidewalk, as I would prefer never to be seen again.