I have a true distain for bucket lists. Before you get angry, hear me out. The displayed for all the world to read, inexplicably unaccomplished, bucket lists. 

You know. Those lists all the "ambitious" and "trendy" people make before appearing on Oprah to declare this is what they did, and then receive a high five from the queen of depressing stories world wide. "I'm dying of a five hundred pound tumor which is currently inoperably adhered to my skull, but I climbed the highest summit of Mt. Tolawapee, ran with the bulls in the streets of Mexico, and skydived in Hawaii. I can no longer hold up my head, due to the weight of said tumor, or remember any of these events, but thanks for that high five Oprah. Thanks for confirming that I'm a great person. Yay for me. Oprah touched my hand. More points in Heaven. GOOOOO me."

Don't get me wrong. It's nice to have goals. I just tend to think sometimes they're a bit cheesy. I just find all this list making extremely dull. And sometimes I think people are so caught up in doing what they want to do before they die, that they miss out on the truly important things. Like the other people around them. Yes, I know you want to go to Italy. (So do I.) I know you want to run a Marathon. (Not sure that I do.) And yes, I know you want to enter that hot dog eating contest. And win. I read, and then yawn, moving on and realizing I will be completely surprised if said sharer of list EVER accomplishes any of those goals. Call me a pessimist, but there has just been WAY too much sharing going on. Stop talking, and DO people! They would be much more interesting if they were already accomplished. 

Instead of making all these unaccomplished lists to be displayed uninterestingly for all the world to see, perhaps we should go accomplish one of our goals and THEN share it. My blogging bud Roxy just did that. An incredible example for accomplishing goals, if I do say so, myself. {Insert high five for Roxy per Oprah, here.} My friend Patrick had a great, and quite comical, perspective on this. I realized that I agree whole heartedly. 

And then I stopped short mid rant of bucket lists, admitting to myself I do have my own list of sorts. I lovingly refer to it as my redneck list. (RNL) I have decided I was much too cultured as a child. (GAH, mom and dad. Way to care.) I never experienced the redneck fun as a child, which I, being from Alabama, am completely entitled to. 

So, since everyone else is doing it, without further ado, here is my (not so ambitious) RNL: these are things I have NEVER done, but am QUITE LIKELY to accomplish.  

1. Mudding. Yep. Never went. It always seemed so pointless to me, to get out in the dirt and roll around like a pig. Now, I am regretting my missed opportunity. As I am beginning to age, I realize how stupid I will look in my minivan, in the middle of a soddy field, blaring Celine Dion, turning doughnuts while my babies scream for mercy in the back seat. So I guess Jamin needs to take me. And not in his Accord. 

2. A Monster Truck Rally. I've actually attended one, recently, out of attempt to mark one more thing off of my RNL. It was in Montgomery, so you think with the country came to town stigma a lot of people have here, they would know how to do it right. WRONG. There wasn't even any DIRT on the floor, and three of the five sorry vehicles they call TRUCKS broke down. The most exciting part of the night was watching to see if any of the little kids on motorcycles (with idiot parents who allowed them to do so) during intermission were going to bust mid wheelie, and the drunken old man who kept waving his arms in the air in attempt to rally the crowd. I videotaped him with my digital camera, and he didn't even notice I was taking his pic. So, I am afraid, out of this experience, I was not able to cross it off of my list. I still want my money back. BOOOO.

3. Talladega. That's right. But only if I dress up like a complete REDNECK and then go to experience the fun. I'm talking fake tats, black bra with white wife beater...the whole nine yards. Maybe I'll even wear a pair of jeans that are way too small to give myself a horrid muffin top. With a thong poking out on top. Too far? Let's do this. Jamin has to grow out handle bards, because I'm making him go with me. 

4. WWF Wrestling. This one is truly one of my favorites. I have ALWAYS wanted to go, and scream in the crowd. Half of the fun is watching everyone around me, especially when there is alcohol involved. But oh, how I would love to scream for Goldberg, or whoever fights nowadays. Maybe if I'm lucky, I can body surf into the ring and be slammed by some roids chick. Hawtness. 

5. Freak Shows. I've always wanted to attend a freak show at the fair. You know, the ones with promises of a hugely obese bearded lady, or goat child. I love that stuff. My parents always tried to shelter me...or were they just saving their money? Either way, my childhood was not enriched with such experiences. I need to see this stuff, people! And make it good. The fakies don't count. 

6. Rodeo. Never been. And I want to see a good mauling in the process, while all the fellow rednecks scream, "That's my BABBBBYYYY!." While a body is hurled into the air. Awesomeness. 

So here we go. Jamin-this would be quite simple for you to plan for a date night. I always tried to tell you I'm not that hard to please.

*Claps hands to the side* Get to it!